The Weight of the Kardashians: What Is Their Shelf Life?

I love the Kardashians. I love looking at their perfect make-up that masters perfectly blended contouring. I am fascinated by Kim Kardashian’s figure. She has enormous breasts and an enormous bum and enormous hips. She has big eyes and a big mouth. The only part of her that is small is her waist. Her waist is essential to her sexiness.

When she is pregnant, her beauty is accentuated, with her stomach and waist becoming enormous too, so that every part of her is enormous. She basically looks like she has been stung by a bee at every point on her body and every part of her has become swollen. I confess I feel a smug satisfaction to see a swollen Kim, exercising and dieting like crazy to get that waist back.

Image by Daily Mail

I don’t feel this way about other celebrities that gain weight when they are pregnant. It is cruel and unfair to make fun of someone gaining weight for a pregnancy.  I think Kim Kardashian trades on her appearance and for want of a better phrase, she is a ‘show off’ about it. We saw her on the cover of Paper magazine smeared in oil, with her much speculated about bum exposed. She seems to admire the nude version of herself and then turns to the world as if to say “Don’t You Agree?” “Look How Desirable and Beautiful I Am.” This can get tiring.

Image by Vanity Fair

I am so sick of the Kardashians. They seem to be everywhere. On the internet, on the cover of magazines, on reality television, even their brand is on clothes and accessories. How much longer will they be at the forefront of popular culture? Will their fame fade? And if so when and how and for what reason? Whose fault is it that we have to consume so much Kardashian in our daily media diet?

Our social reality is created by the media who decide what news to report. Is the media giving Kardashians so much coverage because this is what the readers want? Did the media decide and choose the Kardashians or did the viewers and readers become fascinated by the Kardashians? It is like controversy between the chicken and the egg. Is this what the world wants to hear about? How do we get off the Kardashian train?

I should be reading about international news such as situations in Syria, Iraq and Turkey and the issue with ISIS. I should be reading about trident in the UK and the election in the USA. I should be reading about terrorist attacks worldwide and honour killing. I should be reading about women’s rights, human trafficking and third world hunger. You know what? These issues are serious, complex, and negative. The Kardashians are simple and pretty.

The reality show Keeping Up with the Kardashians started in 2007. I remember seeing the first few episodes of the show not knowing who they were. Why do they have a show? I soon found out that Kim Kardashian starred in her own sex tape, Kris Jenner’s first husband, Robert Kardashian had been a lawyer in the OJ Simpson trial and Bruce Jenner was an Olympian. Does this sound like the grounds for having your own reality TV show?

Image by radar Online

Anyway, watching these early episodes, there was no plot, just a huge family hanging out at home. The sisters would physically wrestle with each other – which I thought was cute. The family seemed happy, although completely disrespectful to the mother. But all in all, it was kind of uneventful TV to start with. So how did it become so huge and whose choice was it? Was it the curiosity to watch a rich and beautiful family?

Now the show has evolved, they all have their own million dollar mansions. The sisters might do a season of the show in New York or the Hamptons. The Kardashian’s willingness to be completely transparent is probably another reason people want to hear about them. The world has gotten to know them on their TV screens. Especially Kylie and Kendall Jenner who have grown up in front of the cameras. Kylie Jenner was only 10 years old when they began filming Keeping up with the Kardashians. I recall the episode where Kendall decided she wanted to be a model and pitched it to her ‘momager’ with a homemade book of photos and Kris Jenner responded, “consider it done”. Now Kendall is a supermodel, and has walked for a number of major fashion houses.

The world has become emotionally invested in the Kardashians. They are an open book and they each wear their heart on their sleeve. They have left the door open and we have wandered in and stared with horror and fascination at these enormous personalities (and buttocks). We want to poke and prod them and we ask ‘are they real?’. Then in an episode Kim Kardashian will get an X-ray to prove her enormous bum is in fact real and does not have implants. The Kardashians saunter around proudly like peacocks, or like women in period costumes of the style with huge bustles on their behinds.

Image by Daily Mail

The Kardashian sisters, Kim, Khloe and Kourtney have permanent expressions of calm and serenity on their faces, particularly Kim. Even when she is arguing with her sisters, or her mother, or complaining, her face remains calm and serene. Possibly just the result of Botox fillers, making her unable to form the facial expression of irritation.

At first when I asked myself, when the Kardashian’s fame would end and we would no longer write or read or feature them, I thought it would be when they get older and they lose their beauty. I read online recently that Kim Kardashian is nervous about her neck becoming wrinkled. I thought once they become wrinkled and saggy, they would use so much plastic surgery they would look awful. They would have to step off the pedestal of admiration. I suppose this would be the test of why we obsess over them. If it is purely visual, an aesthetic admiration of beautiful genes, then the fading of beauty will mean the fading of fame. By the way, it will be a while before Kendall and Kylie age as well. If they are still famous after their beauty fades, then we are truly invested in them emotionally. Although there is a new wave of Kardashians waiting in the wings, the offspring of the Kardashians, Mason, Penelope North and Saint.

Caitlin Jenner was the surprise twist in the Kardashian story. The silver lining was his brave transition from male to female and the acceptance of his transformation by his family. Caitlin Jenner created awareness for the transgender community of the world. So kudos to her. And of course a second reality spin off show follows.

Image by Wikipedia

Escaping into the Kardashian world means checking out the beautiful resorts the whole clan stay at when they holiday together. It is voyeuristic to see inside their mansions and the beautiful architecture and swimming pools. The places where they party and what they eat and drink. A big part of it is an escape into how beautiful people live in a beautiful wealthy world. But this is really background for the drama of sibling rivalry, jealousy, marital woes and pranks.

By this stage it is too late. I have been hypnotised by the circus. What, with Kendall the supermodel and Caitlin the transgender, I can’t look away from the glamour and the cringe. In the Kardashian world, teens getting plastic surgery is perfectly normal. “Say what?” Kylie Jenner had beautiful small features and then she didn’t anymore. Did all of this start with “Oh my gawd! Look at her butt! It’s so big!” These Kardashians are social media experts and they have certainly done well. But they are capitalising on their day to day life. It is all up for sale. Every little experience, an argument, an adventure is not their own, it belongs to the world for their entertainment. They have sold out. And we have bought all their tickets.

The media keep giving the Kardashians power by giving them coverage and magazine covers. We became spellbound by the spectacle that is the Kardashians. Now it is time to stop. But there is no off button. And they are so big now. Just like the features of Kim Kardashian, nearly everything about her is huge. Kim Kardashian hires a staff of professionals to help her to lose weight. Now we need a staff of professionals to help us quit the Kardashians. Maybe we can ween ourselves off them. Start off with news about all of them and decrease it one by one until you are only hearing about Rob Kardashian’s sock business and then finally you stop hearing about it, becoming Kardashian free. If everyone partakes in the ‘Kardashian Kut-out’ diet soon enough the media will stop featuring them too. We have to be aware they are huge. In power and buttocks volume.