Facebook Hearing: Zuckerberg Confirms He Is An Actual Lizard Man

Mark Zuckerberg testified at a joint hearing of the Senate Commerce and Judiciary committees today.  Held so that they could ask him all sorts of questions about the recent Facebook data scandal, however, it only confirmed one thing: Mark Zuckerberg is actually a lizard man. Let’s examine the evidence:

Reddit user hopseankins described this action as “execute operation drink_water.exe” which is spot on. It looks like he’s just learning how to drink water for the first time. Or perhaps being the sole witness to a hearing which went for over five hours has got the Zucc a bit nervous?

Not that he should be, since a lot of the members of the house questioning him are some of the biggest recipients of campaign contributions from Facebook employees. It’s the House Energy and Commerce Committee who questioned Zuckerberg, a committee who have received nearly $381,000 worth of donations tied to Facebook since 2007. Basically, those who are meant to investigate Zuckerberg are also having their pockets filled by Facebook.

The Zucc did cop a couple hard questions, however, even with the bribes generous contributions to congress members, i.e.

There’s also this one aptly titled “OMEGALUL” by Twitch user 001100010010:

For me, it’s the eyes that are the giveaway to Zucc’s lizard-man status. They’ve got that glassy look that screams “I’m really just a lizard in a suit”.

Image Credit: Reddit User nosewheel_bleeding

And yes, that photo to the left does show Zuckerberg using a booster seat at the hearing today. In other sad news, the guy behind him to the left is not Matt Damon. It’s just some senator.

The heat doesn’t show any sign of escaping Facebook, with this hearing and a recent open letter garnering 982,106 signatures (as of 11/4/18 2:41pm) demanding Facebook to protect democracy and privacy. It’ll be interesting to see if anything actually does come of all of this scandal or if it’s just more circus for us to all consume and be offended by. I guess, even if nothing does happen to Zuckerberg and Facebook, at least rights to privacy are being discussed. It’s an issue largely uncovered by the law, and it will be interesting to see if there is any incoming reform to data and privacy legislation, both in America and Internationally.

 

The full hearing is five hours long, but I do recommend at least watching Zuckerberg’s opening statement. He makes a lot of promises. Let’s hope they’re not empty. 

  • Livvi

    Big fan of this article!!! The lizards will kill us all- glad someone else is finally waking up…

    • Courtney Dutton

      they’re coming to get us one data breach at a time

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